I Just Got Rejected Again

I will like to start with a question; have you ever been rejected, when was the last time you got a “NO” to you proposals, do you know how many times it has occurred?, in fact can you recount your reaction towards or in response to  your being rejected? I will like you to play back even if it is to one occasion where you were rejected. To some people it must have been the worst days of their lives, LOL. So if I may ask, WHAT IS REJECTION TO YOU?

Some people are not accustomed to rejection because they were brought up or trained to sit inside their comfort zones each day where they get provided with almost everything they needed. But the problem is that the comfort zone is the most dangerous place to be because we don’t grow or develop there.

However we want to avoid them, rejections are a regular part of life. We get ignored by people probably when we require attention, our posts on Facebook sometimes don’t get ‘liked’, our proposal (be it business, relationship, etc.) get rebuffed, friends goes out without us, we get fired from job unexpectedly, we get ostracized sometimes even from families or communities. Rejection comes in all shapes and sizes, in different areas of our lives, on different occasions not minding how it is going to affect us. To this I can say rejection is part of our everyday life.

aw!! dats too direct

Now I don’t really blame people who feel bad when rejected because scientifically it has been proven through FMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) which is a scan that measures the activity of the brain, that the areas of the brain that gets activated when we experience physical pain is the same area that gets activated when we experience rejection. 
This is exactly why wherever you get to in the world, the term hurt feelings is used when we experience rejection. Okay let’s go medical a little bit; according to the University of Michigan Medical School; the brain responds to social rejection by releasing natural painkillers, just as it does when facing physical pain. From there research, when a person feels physical pain, their brain releases chemicals called OPIOID into the space between neurons, dampening pain signals. From this I want to prove two points:
 1^st is that it is very natural to feel like hell was let loose on you.The 2^nd is that the brain releases pain killers when you are rejected, meaning it helps in easing the pain, but most people still finds it difficult to come out of the state.The moment you allow yourself to dwell so much on where you fell then it might become too hard for you to stand again or might just stand too late.

 Rejection is not the end of your world but the beginning of your upliftment. The rigorous nature of life’s ladder is for your training but the ignorance of that knowledge makes it a struggle for you.

Before I go deeper on how rejections turns beneficiary to you I want to first point out how we most times unconsciously react to rejection.

1.      REJECTION CAUSES SURGES OF ANGER AND AGGRESSION THAT WE TAKE OUT ON THOSE AROUND US.
I remember very well when we were much tender, I and my four elder brothers were fond of our Dad, played with him some times, but only when he is in good mood. When he is coming back to the house we rush out to welcome him because we knew he was going to lift and throw us up in the air one after the other. But on the day he has gotten frustrated outside then we will get our share of his anger, and it was never funny. Just a shout from him must make any of us cry.

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Throwing tantrums is a common thing found in a person that have recently suffered rejection as studies have already demonstrated that such people redirect their anger and aggression to innocent people around them. Imagine getting dumped by your company, or someone that you have already had a business relationship with, or even someone you are dating. A friend told of how the boss refused to allow him travel for his only sister’s wedding which made him almost decide not to work for the man again.

Now you can imagine these scenarios, being rejected can unleash an aggression even to the slightest or mild provocation and should not necessarily be.My advice here is that when you find yourself already in this situation, just keep calm first. Do not think about it and like some will say, take a deep breath. You can seek emotional support from someone who really cares because hearing a kind word from a loved one can soothe the anger

.2.      REJECTION CAN MAKE ONE LOOSE CONFIDENCE IN ONES SELF.
This is very common especially among youths. Imagine after all your research and preparation only to get your proposal turned down or your assignment rejected. Imagine trying your best to look good and when you get outside someone tells you that your colour combination is so bad, your clothing does not fit your colour or your hair style and stuffs like that.

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 In a friend’s wedding one day, I teased another lady friend of mine as she was just approaching to say hi to me that hair make-up is bad, lols actually the make-up was very fine but made her face too whitish than normal . She felt like disappearing to the thin air just as all eyes turned to her direction. From that moment she lost her self-confidence and could not even look my direction or talk for the most part of the day. When I realized what I have done I had to right the wrong impression I have created and apologized, she told me how she tried to look her best that day.

turned down, after all d preparation

I remember going for an audition to join a prestigious choir, but because I am more accustomed to contemporary music and not much about classical, I was told I am not yet ready, chai!!! After all the preparation, even one guy that auditioned before me got an applause simply because he sang classical, but I didn't get any Yuck!!! Anyway I didn't feel bad because am wiser. But these are the kind of issues that can get a person delusional, feel inferior and totally lose confidence.

3.      REJECTION LEAVES YOU DEVASTATED AND FRUSTRATED
When I was in school, my roommate came back from school one day so devastated that he started shouting “I don tire for God sef” on asking he told me how a lecturer had been frustrating and dealing badly with him even with all the effort he was putting. So I asked if that is why he denouncing God and he asked why God will allow him to be passing through all that just in the name of schooling. Well we later settled all that and he apologized to God but that was what rejection made him go through.

frustration

Getting dumped either by someone you are dating, group of friends or associates, your work etc. have the tendency of getting you so devastated, and it can lead to one asking ones’ self if one is competent enough in the job, faithful enough or able to keep a relationship. In my first year in the University I had two friends that we walk and do all the academic stuffs together, they were even hostel to come wait for me before we go to class as I didn't stay in the hostel with them. But before I know it they started isolating their selves from me. We will be together now and the next minute they will shift to a corner and from there they are gone without saying a word to me. When I ask what the problem was, I would never get a good answer. I tried everything to keep them but all was to no avail. I was a lone ranger for the most part of my schooling days until I realized where the issue is from. People loved me a lot but I gave too much of attention to everybody at the same time so nobody knew their position in my life.

There is no way your full attention can be given to even two people at the same time let alone plenty of them. Don’t blame me so much, it’s a stage that has passed in my life. If you are in this kind of situation maybe you need to check if you are the problem of yourself. Most time I longed for somebody just to share some thoughts with, walk with, play and laugh with, someone that will understand me but even though they are many around me but yet they were all too far. Sometimes I examined myself to make sure am okay, if I have not lost the track. Well the later days were better than the former. This kind of situation can also happen when you’ve attached yourself so much to just one person and blocking out every other person. Well the day that your special person will disappoint you then you will understand the picture I’m painting today.

4.      REJECTION CAN MAKE YOU FIGHT YOURSELF
Rejection does not only make us loose some confidence in ourselves but one of the most common unfortunate things we do after a rejection, especially a romantic one, is to list all our faults and inadequacies and kick our self-esteem when it is already down. People tend to loose the man or woman in them and start questioning their competency, reliability, ability to keep or maintain a relationship – (not just romantic ones). 

easy bro

It makes us to start counting our loose networks or loose ends, limitations, or to start comparing ourselves with someone else who probably seem to be better. Some may even conclude that he or she cannot achieve what they have been trying to achieve especially in the case whereby they have tried severally. Imagine that you even have a close substitute or competitor in what it is that you fail in. You even start remembering those occasions where you have messed up or said things you think is not cool, all of these will make you tell yourself that you are not good , start seeing some people as more superior and you yourself more inferior. This kind of situation can even lead to one releasing some negatively sensitive words on oneself; like “mine is always different”, “am always unlucky”, and “I will always have to struggle for everything”.

One big reality in rejections, especially the romantic ones are a reflection of insufficient fit or match. The incompatibility might be in lifestyles – social, physical etc. goals, interests – girls always wanting the TDH (Tall Dark and Handsome), money loaded and tough guys, while the guys will always be looking out for fair, soft-spoken, tall and beautiful ladies. By the time you meet with the person of your dreams and you discover that you guys don’t match, and then in few month times you get yourself in the “single and searching” group. By then you start saying negative words on yourself that you have not been lucky with relationships. Mtcheeew!!!

Seeking fault in ourselves only deepens the emotional pain we feel and makes it harder for us to recover.

5.      REJECTION TEMPORARILY DAMAGES OUR ABILITY TO THINK CLEARLY
This is one of the worst situations you can be in when you have been rejected. Why? Because this case happens as a result of other cases. Rejection does not just leave one devastated, it can also make one to loose one’s thinking faculty. Just as it is very difficult to concentrate when you have toothache or whitlow, the emotional pain we feel after a rejection makes it difficult to think clearly.

think well b4 u act

 This is when you record the highest mistakes in work places, God help you if you have tough boss; then you hear something like “I don’t give a damn whatever is wrong with you, just get these files ready in the next 48hrs!!” hahahaha. In this period of time, you can hardly make decisions. This is when you forget your appointments. There might even be a case of malnutrition as a result of either forgetting to eat or not eating well. I don’t see a man that lost life-changing contract or that had his million dollar proposal turned down in favour of another sitting down to eat.Studies have shown that merely thinking of being rejected or being alone was enough for people to score substantially low on IQ tests, test of decision making and that of short term memory. Therefore, when we’re in the immediate aftermath of a rejection, we should take time to address our emotional pain before we jump back into work or studying-when it’s possible to do so.

There are lots of things involved in this rejection of a thing so I can’t put all in one post as this particular one is already becoming too much. The next post will be on the positive impacts of Rejection, God bless you as you wait for it.